Posted 3 days ago
  1. Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret?
  2. Lemony Snicket: Tell it to everyone you know, but pretend you are kidding.
Posted 3 days ago
Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse; But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realized I'd hit rock bottom.
Anonymous asked

swinging-onthe-spiral:

iguanamouth:

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I’VE SEEN THIS POST FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS AND JUST NOW GOT THE JOKE.

MOTHER FU-

Posted 3 days ago

nickysixpack:

one time i was at my friend’s house while her sister was getting arrested and 3 cops walk into the house one checks all the rooms and when he looks in the first bathroom there i am sitting on the toilet seat in south park boxers shaving my legs and we just lock eyes and i just kinda freeze and after like 4 seconds of absolute silence i’m like “…what seems to be the problem officer” and he shut the door on me

(Source: kingdickiebitch)

Posted 3 days ago

mightyflower:

to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 92, “no”

Posted 3 days ago

gnarly:

Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have time to sleep

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Posted 3 days ago

bewbin:

Why is it called a building? Isn’t it done building? Shouldn’t it be called a built

Posted 3 days ago
Posted 3 days ago
epistemologicalfallacy:

goats are literally Masters of Physics

epistemologicalfallacy:

goats are literally Masters of Physics

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(Source: itskylestyle)

Posted 3 days ago
Posted 3 days ago

kardashy:

its impossible to watch this and be sad